Imaginary Blogposts I Didn’t Write Between October 2012 and April 2014

October 2012           

  • Science Asked for My Live Body
  • One of Those Cancers that You Live With Rather Than Die From
  • Oooh, THOSE Chickens

 November 2012

  • 30 Days My Ass
  •  How Long Does It Take to Trust? No, I Mean Exactly How Long…
  •  Maybe She Won’t Pee on a Plastic Christmas Tree
  •  This Year, I’ll Settle for the Perfect Fucking Barbie

 December 2012

  • It Looks Fine with Decorations on the Top Half
  • I’m Still Pissed at Jesus, but Merry Christmas      
  • My New Year’s Intentions (Let’s Not Pretend to be Resolute)

 January 2013

  •  Shouldn’t My Neck Feel Better by NOW?
  • Why Editing is Fun (or Take It or Leave It)
  •  My Neck is My Shoulder (or Eventually I’ll be Left-Handed)
  •  I Wish I Wanted a Peanut M&M

 February 2013

  • You Mean I Never have to Touch Raw Meat Again!
  • This is NOT a Soup Recipe
  • Is It Possible to Fail Physiotherapy AND Sex Therapy?

 March 2013

  • Yeah, That IS Weird (if you’re not from around here)
  • You Know You’re a Feminist If…
  • This Rainforest is Really Rainy  

 April 2013

  • Just Me and the Other Athletes
  • Is There Another Sex Therapist in Town?!
  • Those Spots are Sun Damage (aka Age Spots, My Dear)
  • Hazel Turns 93 – Again?

 May 2013

  • My Birth Month
  • When is BC Too Far from Ontario? (or Teenagers’ Brains Aren’t Yet Fully Formed)
  • Yes Please (or You Can have that Shoulder Surgery Anywhere in Canada – Except, of Course, Quebec)
  • Maybe It’s Me (or I Don’t Like This Sex Therapist Either)

 June 2013

  • 3 Months is Always Shorter than 3 Years
  • Sleepover with my ‘Baby Sister’
  • Veterinarians Can Retire?
  • Whoa! Here’s Summer

 July 2013

  • The Ladies are Coming! The Ladies are Coming! (So, we must buy a third spare bed!)
  • Yes, I AM Vegan; & No, I am NOT a Morning Person
  • Flash a Helicopter & Exfoliate Your Lady Bits With Friends
  • I (finally) Enjoy Vacation Time with my Husband (again)

 August 2013

  • I am DONE with Sex Therapists AND Abdominal Ultrasounds
  • How to Pack for Shoulder Surgery in Ontario
  • My Friend Basically Runs the World
  • Can that be the Last Surgery I Ever Need?

 September 2013

  • Look What I Can Do! (Don’t Do THAT!)
  • Yes, I AM Vegan; & No, I am NOT a Morning Person (Part II)
  • What Do You Mean You’re Not Getting Any Either? Game ON!
  • I Promise (to complete the entire ‘shoulder rehab protocol’ at the UBC Sports Medicine Clinic). Can I go Home Now?

 October 2013

  • My New Best Friend, Luong
  • They Seem So Happy (I found the perfect jeans for this wedding)
  • Listening to Radio BODY (a nod to Anne Lamott)
  • The Winners’ Circle (or It IS Just Like Going to the Gym)

November 2013           

  • I Feel Sorry for Athletes (or My Sport? I’m a Speed-reader – ahem)
  • Yay! I LIKE the Thought of Christmas (but It’s Okay if it’s His Turn to be Sad)
  • Both of Those Events were Inspiring, but NOT at all Similar (except that white American guys spoke at both – or is it each?)
  • Can We Put Up Outdoor Christmas Lights (at least?)?

 December 2013

  • I’m so Glad to be Rid of the Hysterical Hives – Bring On Christmas (quietly!?)
  • No Honey, We Have No Babies (or Grief has It’s Own Schedule for Each of Us)
  • Church, No Church? Can We Think About It Next Year?
  • Being Included by Friends as Family is the VERY Best Gift

January 2014

  • Let’s All Go to the Dentist (Your baby is inordinately large!)
  • Now That I Have a Manual for My Body, I Realize the Warranty Expired 20 Years Ago (or my back doesn’t want my shoulder to get stronger)
  • It’s Okay to be Weird Here

 February 2014

  • How Much Longer? (or I’m just plain tired of every kind of treatment)
  • So That’s What That Is…I Wonder If I’ll Ever Use That
  • Planning a Vacation is More Complicated than I Imagined (Team Maui)
  • Graduation Day! ( or Down to once-a-week ‘shoulder’ physiotherapy; and, thank you, Linda, for helping us make a totally different – in a good way – marriage!)
  • Grown-ups Go To Dinner Parties & Gallery Openings (or it’s rude to spray wine through your nose when you laugh)

March 2014

  • Now What? (or Now You ‘Get to’ Start Something New – Again)
  • Still a Feminist (You Wouldn’t Know It By Looking At Her!)
  • When It’s Finally Harder to Not Write than to Write
  • I (Mostly) Love Community Pools (said the woman who knows full well she is spoiled to have spent the first 3rd of her life in her parents’ back yard pool)
  • How Many Sleeps Until Vacation (haircuts, oil changes & vet appointments)?

 April 2014

  • You Look Fabulous! I Hate You! (or I’ve Lost 50 lbs and Gained Frenemies – is that term still in use?)
  • Whether to Donate or Store the Clothes I Wore When I was More Plush?
  • Just Because I’m an Editor Doesn’t Mean I Don’t Need an Editor (or that doesn’t look right either – crap! just post something already)