Sh*t Middle-Aged Girls Say

I can’t find my reading glasses.

How much fibre is in this?

Why did I come in this room?

How spicy is this – spicy or spicy-spicy?

I might have to have gin tonight.

Oh, you know, what’s his name with the nose and the dark hair. You know.

Explain leaf-blowers to me. I miss rakes and brooms.

Where did the summer go?

I’m so hot. Is it hot in here? Tell me it’s not just me.

Why am I awake at 4 AM?

Remember spiral perms?

This is not an ‘Oldies station’. These are CLASSICS. I danced to this in high school.

Which clicker works the mute?

She hasn’t changed a bit.

Is it Thanksgiving already?

I had such a good sleep – I didn’t even get up to pee.

Why are there Christmas trees for sale in August? Just why?

I’m tired of vampires.

I need a foot rub.

Kale? Sure. Remember when romaine was exotic?

Isn’t that YOUNG for a heart attack? He’s only 4 years older than me.

You can’t be old enough to be a grandmother.

It was perfectly good before they improved it.

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5 thoughts on “Sh*t Middle-Aged Girls Say

  1. Tora says:

    It is weird that I already think many of these things, even if I don’t say them out loud? What does that say about me!?

  2. Lynsey says:

    Exactly what I was thinking Tora!

  3. Do you like the grey, or do you think I should dye my hair?

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